just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
