Kiss
Puke
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
