so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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