From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
