she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
