I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
