Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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