What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
