can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
