someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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