you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
