standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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