I puked a lego.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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