apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
