i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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