i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
