There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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