All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
