I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
