Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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