Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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