Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
