I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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