his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
