Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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