I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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