I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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