She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
