wat bout pragnant strippers??
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
