I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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