is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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