if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
