let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
