Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
