I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
