We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
