Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
