Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
