I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
