he thought i was a dude.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
