When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
