so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
