i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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