Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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