He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
