How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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