how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
