It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
