so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
