im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
