I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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