I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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