we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
