Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
