I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
