I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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