i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
