SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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