my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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