3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A+ Viking dick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
