Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
