So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
