He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
