we're making bets on your personal life
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
