I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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