we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
