kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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