Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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