Can Purell be used as lube?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
