TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize