I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
