your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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